i think my tv is drunk
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
