Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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