I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
