that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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