I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
