At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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