She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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