The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
