SEEEEXXX PLEASE
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
