Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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