that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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