a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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