i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize