Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
