i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
