when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
