I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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