I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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