dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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