no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
