You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
