who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
