As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
