But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
