I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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