We need to rekindle our bromance
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
