He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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