No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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