Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
