I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
