I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
