Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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