Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
