Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
