This girl is more easily done than said...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
