apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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