Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't put those talents on a resume
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
