Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
