he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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