her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize