Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
