Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize