drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
