Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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