Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
