I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
