I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Less talking, more tequila
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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