We're facebook friends in real life
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
