we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
