dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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