i think my tv is drunk
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
