rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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