i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
