around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
