At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
