I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Rumble strips road head = magical
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
