also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
