K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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