Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
