did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
