Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize