It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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