You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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