You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
