he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
