I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
