So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
