tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
