Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
