I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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