C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
